In martial arts to tap the floor is to indicate that you concede defeat. Recently, after a number of curve balls it became necessary for me to "tap out" too.
I had far too many tabs open and everything just became too overwhelming. When it becomes more important to take space and to stop than it is to keep going and put a brave face on things you know you have to take some action.
It took a lot for me to admit that I wasn't at my best that perhaps events had overtaken me and I didn't have much left in the tank.
What I've found is how surprising people's reactions have been to my plight. Real understanding. Real kindness. Real acceptance. The words "well you have been through a lot" routinely escaping people's lips. But the biggest challenge I've had is in recognising that, slowing down, taking time out, listening to my body and practicing more self compassion. I'm capable of showing real compassion to others and hopeless when it comes to my own struggles.
So I'm taking my time and space to work it all through. It's even hard to define at times and yet I seem to be gaining clarity and a sense of my power back. That in itself is rewarding and pleasing. So it's one step at a time, one day at a time. As they keep saying in Love Island "it's early days" and yet the days seem brighter somehow.
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